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Here’s good joke September 25, 2012

Filed under: Joke — Leguanite @ 4:36 pm
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Lowering Your Phone Bill in the W.I.

 

The house phone bill was exceptionally high, so the man of the house

called a family meeting on a Saturday morning after breakfast.

 

DAD :  People, ‘ere mi now – Dis wrong. You haffi cut back pon the long

distance and cell phone calls dat unuh mekking on the house phone. De

phone bill getting very high, and me not even use the house phone fi dem

calls any more. Mi use the one ah mi office.

 

MUM : Same here. Mi hardly use de house phone, because mi mek most of mi calls pon mi work phone.

 

SON :  Me too. Mi stop use the house phone long time. Mi always use mi company mobile weh dem gimme.

 HELPER (MAID) : So, wha de problem? Look like all ah wi a use wi work phone then!

 

Buss out a laugh here January 30, 2012

Filed under: Joke — Leguanite @ 11:31 pm
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 A Russian, an American, and a Guyanese were talking one day. The Russian said, “We were the first in space!” The American said, “We were the first on the moon!” The Guyanese said, “So what, we’re going to be the first on the sun!” The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. “You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!” said the Russian. To which the Guyanese replied, “We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!”

 

A Guyanese joke in the mail

Filed under: guyana,Joke — Leguanite @ 11:26 pm
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TEACHER: “Tell me, Johnny, which is the best time to pick pears? Spring, summer, autumn or winter?”

JOHNNY: “The best time to pick pears is when the farmer is not at home and there’s no dog on the farm.”

 

Guyanese humour December 27, 2011

Filed under: Joke — Leguanite @ 7:09 pm
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Here’s one for the holidays:

USING  AUTHORITY

A Guyana Police Officer (“Phantom-Black Clothes) stops at a large farm at

Amelia’s’ Ward, Mackenzie, Linden and talks with the farm’s owner.

 

He tells the farmer, ‘I need to inspect your farm for illegal grown drugs. This area full of

weed!!’

The old farmer says, ‘Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.’

The Police officer verbally explodes saying, ‘Mister, I have the authority of the Guyana Government, with me.’Reaching into his rear pants pocket and removing his badge, the officer proudly displays it to the farmer. ‘See this badge? I got it from President Jagdeo and Minister Rohee!! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish on any land in this country! No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?’

The old farmer nods politely and goes about his chores. Later, the old farmer hears loud screams and spies the  Police Officer running for his life and close behind is the farmer’s pit bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer.

The officer is clearly terrified.The old farmer immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells.. ‘Your BADGE! Show him your BADGE! TELL HIM JAGDEO AND ROHEE SENT YOU!’

Find more jokes here

http://silvertorch.com/guyana-humor.html

 

Too good not to share June 2, 2011

Filed under: Joke — Leguanite @ 2:18 pm
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A family in Guyana was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from the USA, sent by their sister. The tiny corpse was so tightly squeezed inside the large coffin that their mother’s face was practically touching the glass cover.

When they opened the coffin, they found a letter from their sister pinned to their mother’s chest, which read:

 

Dearest Brother and Sisters,

I am sending you our mother’s remains for the funeral there. Sorry I could not come along, as the expenses were so high.

You will find inside the coffin, under Mammy’s body, 12 cans of Bumble Bee Tuna, 12 box spaghetti, 12 Vaseline Intensive Care Skin Lotion, 12 Colgate Toothpaste, four 5 pound bag Canadian imported flour, and 12 ice apple. Just divide it among yourselves.

 

On Mammy’s feet is a brand-new pair of Reeboks (Size 8) for Papi. There are four pairs of Reeboks under Mammy’s head for Bayo’s sons. Mammy is wearing six Ralph Lauren T-shirts, one for Chun’s Husband and the rest are for my nephews.

Mek sure Stella sweet man don’t get none.

 

Mammy is also wearing one dozen Wonder Bras (your favorite), all different size.

I don’t think any gun fit Pauline; she bubby too big.

The 2 dozen Victoria Secrets panties that Mammy is wearing should be distributed among my nieces and cousins.

Don’t give Pauline big-battie daughter any of the thongs. Ah gun send hanes when Jaitoon brother in law coming down fuh de races.

 

Mammy is also wearing eight Docker pants. One each for Neville sons; give one to Poowah, she said she likes how they fit.

The Swiss watch Chubby asked for is on Mammy’s left wrist.

Mek sure you careful with it; it real.

 

Regards

Suzie

From: Shahina Khan

 

 

 

One Joke for You January 31, 2011

Filed under: Joke — Leguanite @ 9:57 pm
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A Jamaican living in the States was down on his luck. Out of work and broke, he started going around to various companies in the city begging for a job, any job. Finally he got to the Zoo. The Zookeeper looked stressed out. ‘The monkey escaped last night’, the Zookeeper said, ‘If you are willing to put on a monkey suit and stand in the monkey’s cage for a couple days, I’ll pay you.’ The Jamaican immediately accepted. The pay was OK and the work wasn’t hard.  He swung from the tree, and the kids fed him fruits and nuts. He actually started enjoying himself. He even started adding a few acrobatic moves that he had seen on TV.  Late in the afternoon he swung a bit too vigorously, lost his grip and flew clean out of the monkey cage and landed in the lion cage next door. The lion let out a huge roar and our friend in the monkey suit bawl out, ‘LAWD, ME DED NOW!’ The huge lion immediately pounced on him, grabbed him by the throat and whispered,   ‘Man shut yuh mout nuh, suh we can keep di likkle wuk!’