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Guyana’s Jubilee celebrations in Winnipeg November 18, 2016

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Humour October 15, 2016

Filed under: Guyanese-humour,Uncategorized — Leguanite @ 4:29 am
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Guyanese can’t find a job in Barbados so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside ” GET TREATMENT FOR $20 – IF NOT CURED, GET BACK $100″
A Bajan lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic…
Lawyer: “I have lost my sense of taste”
GT: “Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in patient’s mouth”
Lawyer: “Ugh..this is kerosene”
GT: “Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20”
The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money…
Lawyer: “I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything”
GT: “Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth”
Lawyer (annoyed): “This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste”
GT: “Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20”
The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.
Lawyer: “My eyesight has become very weak”
GT “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that, so take this $100”
Lawyer (staring at the note): “But this is $20, not $100”
GT: “Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20”

You can’t beat a Guyanese….!

Source – Facebook

 

LOL Joke from Facebook December 30, 2012

Filed under: guyana — Leguanite @ 1:43 am
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A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman’s husband also comes home so she puts her lover in the closet not realizing that her son is hiding in there.

The little boy says ”It’s dark in here”
The man replies ”Yes, it is”
Boy – “I have a baseball.”
Man – “That’s nice.”
Boy – “Want to buy it?”
Man – “No, thanks.”
Boy – “My dad’s outside.”
Man – “OK, how much?”
Boy – “$250”

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together once again.
Boy – “Dark in here.”
Man – “Yes, it is.”
Boy – “I have a baseball glove.”
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy,
“How much?”
Boy – “$750”
Man – “Fine.”

A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab
your glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.”
The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.”
The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”
Boy – “$1,000”
The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like
that… that is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, “Dark in here.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again!”

 

Guyanese humour December 27, 2011

Filed under: Joke — Leguanite @ 7:09 pm
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Here’s one for the holidays:

USING  AUTHORITY

A Guyana Police Officer (“Phantom-Black Clothes) stops at a large farm at

Amelia’s’ Ward, Mackenzie, Linden and talks with the farm’s owner.

 

He tells the farmer, ‘I need to inspect your farm for illegal grown drugs. This area full of

weed!!’

The old farmer says, ‘Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.’

The Police officer verbally explodes saying, ‘Mister, I have the authority of the Guyana Government, with me.’Reaching into his rear pants pocket and removing his badge, the officer proudly displays it to the farmer. ‘See this badge? I got it from President Jagdeo and Minister Rohee!! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish on any land in this country! No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?’

The old farmer nods politely and goes about his chores. Later, the old farmer hears loud screams and spies the  Police Officer running for his life and close behind is the farmer’s pit bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer.

The officer is clearly terrified.The old farmer immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells.. ‘Your BADGE! Show him your BADGE! TELL HIM JAGDEO AND ROHEE SENT YOU!’

Find more jokes here

http://silvertorch.com/guyana-humor.html

 

June 24, 2011

Filed under: Creole — Leguanite @ 2:01 am
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Only a real Guyanese will be able to read let alone understand dis!

Hear This! You know how it gat ah set ah shooting in GT dese days!
Well five friends: Currants, Ice, Curry, Tambran and Coconut walking
down Regent Street; when dey hear gun shots BODOW, BODOW, BODOW
BOW!Well all of a sudden:

Currants roll
Ice scream
Curry duck
Tambran bawl and
Coconut drop.

Ya gotta be a GUYANESE to understand this.
If you not a GUYANESE and you understand dis, then you is a GUYANESE!!!

Idleness killing we!

 

Since we have links with Britain December 1, 2010

Filed under: Obituary — Leguanite @ 7:52 pm
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You might be interested in this Obituary:

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: 
– Knowing when to come in out of the rain; 
– Why the early bird gets the worm; 
– Life isn’t always fair; 
– and maybe it was my fault.. 

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. 

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. 

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. 

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their 20 victims. 

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.. 

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. 

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason. 

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; 
I Know My Rights 
I Want It Now 
Someone Else Is To Blame 
I’m A Victim 

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

 

  

             I think AECL’s Common Sense was murdered years ago by Policy and Procedure!